Therapy is hard, there are no ifs and or buts about it. Therapy is one of the most mentally challenging things I’ve ever done. It’s even harder if you want to visit a therapist and talk about BDSM, fetishes or the like. Many therapists aren’t opened minded enough to talk about some topics, but that’s okay. There are many therapists in any given are, and finding kink friendly therapists gets easier when you do a little research.
Whilst the points below are written with kink and BDSM in mind, they can also be applied to other topics. When I first started looking for a therapist, I not only emailed around asking if they were okay with fetish, and kink, but if they were also okay with sex work.
Don’t be afraid to email multiple therapists.
Before settling on one therapist, email multiple therapists in your area, and within your budget. Ask them if they are comfortable seeing clients and talking with clients about fetishes and sex. It’s better to spend five minutes sending an email, than book a session and waste time and money if they’re unwilling to talk sex.
Use the first session as an ‘audition’.
Therapy is an intensely personal experience. If after the first session you don’t feel there’s a good fit, don’t be scared to go somewhere else. Therapists are used to people spending the first few sessions figuring out if it’s the right fit.
If your therapist doesn’t know but is willing to learn, educate!
If you really click with your therapist, but they don’t have in-depth knowledge about the subject you want to talk to them about, point them in the right direction of resources where they can find out more. A good therapist wants to learn more about what their client is going through, and also want to better themselves as a service provider.
Can’t bring something up during the session?
Still, on the first few sessions, everything seems okay but there’s something you really want to talk to them about? Send them an email.
Ask friends, family, and local communities.
Don’t underestimate just how many people go to therapy. By asking around you can get first-hand information from people that have been to see that person – unlike message boards where anyone could post.
Don’t be afraid to challenge their opinion.
Some people can be rather stuck in their ways, and therapists are no different. If they hold an old or archaic belief about BDSM or fetish you can tell them they’re wrong. They’re not infallible. You never know, by telling them their opinion is outdated, it might encourage them to learn!
