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Election Day 2019

Election Day 2019

It’s election day 2019. The polls are closed. The exit vote is in.

Tory majority. Conservatives win. Boris Johnson in power.

… maybe.

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If the Conservatives hold onto power they shouldn’t have (how many unelected PMs have we had now?), then my health is in jeopardy, and by extension my life. So, I have nothing left in me today. I started writing 3 posts this morning – all will be future posts, but not the right post for today. I’m not even sure this is the right post for today.

I’ve spent the past two weeks organising and sorting my office because I can’t afford to think. I can’t afford to spiral, and I can’t afford to dwell. My brain will turn a throwaway thought into a mile of negative spiralling. It’s awfully good like that.

It’s times like these that I honestly don’t get the views of some. I like to think that I’m an open-minded person, and I know that to change the views of others you must first understand and, in a way, ‘get’ their views, but I don’t get them this year. I don’t understand their side of things.

Anyone that has used the NHS has seen it be stripped of all resources, they’ve seen the number of people on the streets double, they’ve watch politicians mock the disabled, the poor, and those that they don’t understand. Unfortunately, I could – but won’t, go on.

I just don’t get it.

Well, I kind of do. Money, apathy, and work.

Money makes the world go around, after all! Money is what drew people to Brexit, but money isn’t what most will have after it. Apathy is what people catch after one too many years of (to them) little to no change. And then there’s work.

It’s easy to say you’ll do something, but it’s so hard to act. This isn’t a slight, it really is hard to act. The act of going to the polls can be gargantuan for one (think anxiety, childcare, chronic illness, memory), the fear of changing parties, and the fear about the current political climate. Then there’s the work of researching manifestos, decoding political speech, wading through the political bullshit, and making a choice – the hardest part for some. It’s a lot. However, considering the current climate, I can’t forgive anyone close to me that (if they are able to) refuses to even cast a vote.

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My body feels paralysed by fear because if the exit polls are right, things won’t change right away – the world isn’t going to end tomorrow though it might feel like it, but it will change things we won’t miss until they’re gone.

I can feel the same sinking feeling in my gut that I had during the referendum. The ‘what the fuck, is this actually happening, the world is on fire, oh god no’. I can remember waking up that morning and crying because I knew it would take the attention away from other important issues, other causes that needed to see the light of day, and honestly because as a disabled person I was scared, like I am now. All I can think is that Brexit is such a part of our lexicon nowadays – imagine if the country cared (one way or another) about other important issues like they cared about Brexit! Parliament’s time has been so tangled up in it, and I often thin about the money the government has spent on Brexit – the same money they say they don’t have. That money could have gone on our NHS, our nurses, and to our schools. It just doesn’t make sense to me.

I’m not even got to go into the implications for sex work/adult industry.

But, for now, I’m going to sort another box (on 2 IKEA bags, 3 medium boxes, and 1 ex-Christmas tree box full of stuff to go to charity so far), then go to bed, put my phones down, and read a physical book about ‘unf*cking my brain’, because if the exit polls are right, I’m going to need it.


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