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I’ve Stopped Masturbating: Week 1

I’ve Stopped Masturbating: Week 1

I’ve stopped masturbating! If you want to know more, read this post.

Even if I wanted to masturbate this week, there was no absolutely way it was going to happen.

There’s been a heavy fog over me this past week, and we all know why that is. *heavy sigh* To combat the fog (different from my ‘normal’ exhaustion fog) I’ve been pushing back at it by keeping my body and mind busy – tidying, sorting, and organising, but it feels like this fog is going to surround me soon. I feel like I’m trying to outrun the inevitable.

So, I’ve been in no headspace to masturbate, even if I wanted to! I’ve also not been in the best headspace to write anything that requires great mental energy, so sorry about that.

Permission to Let Go

What I’ve discovered this week is that giving myself permission to let go has been freeing. I don’t think I realised just how much stress I was putting on myself to masturbate, or to feel like I needed to masturbate if I had free time or felt aroused. Fellow humans, it was a LOT, and it’s a been bit of a mind fuck.

Instead, I’ve been ‘sitting’ with my arousal. Let me explain! Some of the books on trauma I’ve been reading say to ‘sit’ with the feeling – usually negative, acknowledge it, then let it go. That feeling doesn’t have to take up space in your brain, and you don’t have to deal with it right now. Letting go is a choice – though I acknowledge that choice gets easier with time.

I’ve been doing something similar. When I get aroused, I acknowledge it, and then let it go. There have been times where I do want to do something about it, but I then try to ask myself if it would help – if the pros outweigh the cons in that moment. For the past week, they haven’t, and that’s okay!

What am I putting this ‘leftover energy’ into?

Okay, so my body technically doesn’t ever have ‘leftover energy’, BUT I have taken an interest in the environment, self-improvement and sustainability. In fact, I’m writing this whilst watching Cowspiracy – as a meat eater with limited food options, it’s fascinating. After the slight crisis I had, I started thinking even more about the environment. I’ve been aware of the issues for some time, but recently I’ve been trying to do more, and be a better person.

What I’ve been finding especially interesting at the moment is that all the media, and tips I’m consuming are for able-bodied people. More on that some other time.

Urm, okay?

I realise the past few weeks have sounded very ‘self-help/save the environment’, but that’s because my past few weeks have been filled with unf*cking my brain and learning about the environment!

Ever since I changed therapists, I’ve been more committed to therapy, and becoming a better person – an upcoming post. This seems to be having a knock-on effect throughout all areas of my life, and I can’t be mad about it. Basically, blame my new awesome therapist!

So, this masturbation Monday, I’m not masturbating! Instead, I’m going to do more research on how I can be a better person … even with my disability.

Masturbation Monday

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3 Comments

  • FleurFleur

    Wow, you are doing a brave thing. Lots of acceptance, accept the feelings and enjoy without the need for a release. I do try that at times but more often than not get frustrated. It is like I hold to the thought and roll it around my head turning it into a pain. Good luck!!!!

  • Kayla Lords

    I’ve heard of that concept of sitting with a feeling and then letting it go (I think a former therapist explained it to me) and I like the idea of doing the same with something that’s not inherently negative but still isn’t something you WANT to act on. I’m glad you’re sharing this journey with MM!

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