That One Fantasy
There’s always that one fantasy – my go to, that gets me off.
Sure, there are other fantasies in my brain, and variations of those fantasies that I drift to from time to time. But for the most part I know that my old dependable fantasy will get me off. I know how to stretch it out with ‘filler details’ – if you will, fluff that my brain can latch onto as I’m warming myself up. I also know how to shorten it down so all the pertinent details whizz through my head, whilst I bang one out.
It’s an almost perfect fantasy. It doesn’t usually let me down. It’s dependable, and dare I say safe?
Sexually, I’ve gotten maybe a little too comfortable in my head. I know what works, so I stick to it. I’ve not changed up my masturbation routine other than to test out new toys in quite some time. For all my talk of exploring all that sexuality has to offer, I’ve been stuck in a mastubatory sexual rut.
Granted, it’s easy to get stuck doing the same thing when you’re ill, it takes less energy after all! However, considering I’m in the chronically ill club, and all of this has been going on for years, personally it feels a little bit of a cop out.
That one fantasy is great, and I’ll always have it. I know I can go back to it if needed, but maybe it’s finally time to move on, and experiment a little. I owe it to myself, and all my future orgasms.
I hope to get back to long form writing soon! My brain is finding words a tiny bit difficult at the moment.